当我儿子远渡重洋到法国求学时，我在帕特尼高中做国际生工作的经历和我自己在海外求学的经历，都提醒我要给儿子一些建议。我儿子去法国的语言学习目标是明确的。 我不担心儿子的学术和社交才能，这些对于他在教室内外学习法语是有很大帮助的。但是我预测到他当时脑子里面所缺乏的是，怎样可以从融入一个法国家庭中同样学到更多东西。所以我对儿子的建议主要是这方面的。我也明白，我给他的建议越多，他接受我的建议的可能性就越小，于是我决定把我的建议主要集中在一个方面，这就是如何和另外一个家庭一起生活。 当年作为一名大三学生—现在说起来是几十年前的事了，我曾经在卢森堡和一家充满活力的、善良又热情洋溢的家庭一起生活了6个月。当时的住家有两个小男孩，一个尚在妈妈肚里的婴儿和一名德国护工。那是一户非常舒适并充满活力的家庭。然而，这个家庭和我原来成长的家庭在生活模式上，充满了很多不为我熟悉的差异，这些模式解释不清而且迥然不同。比如，早餐的烤面包是放在一块平木板上，而不是放在盘子里。果酱不在冰箱里，而是在橱柜里。周一是厨房的清洁日，所以我必须很快吃完早餐。每个房间是单独供暖的，所以门总是关着。为了房间的保暖，沉重的百叶窗卷帘在夜晚总是要放下来帮助隔热。这些生活的差异，一些对我来说是充满了魅力的反差；一些在给我解释清楚后，我能很容易地遵守规则；而另一些规则却直到我离开的时候都让我迷惑不解；当然还有一些差异，我或许始终也没注意到，结果或许曾使我的住家非常烦恼或者迷惑不解。 尽管我如此喜欢我的住家，我当时却还是不知道怎样是正确的行为。我记得我在住家的头几个星期是如何的小心翼翼；我如何在住家全家看电视时，蹑手蹑脚溜到冰箱去拿吃的东西；我又如何在晚上下课回家后，为了不发出声音，不打扰住家，偷偷溜上楼梯到我的卧室。我其实不太明白怎么去和住家互动。我用法语说话时不是很自信。我不太确定他们希望我如何表现或者想从我这得到什么。一直到那个复活节的夜晚，一件事情成为了我的一个转折点。那天傍晚我从学校回家，我在枕头上发现了一些巧克力，一些鲜花和一张小纸条，上面写着：“复活节的小兔子送给楼上幽灵的礼物”。我心想，原来我给那个全心欢迎我的家庭留下的印象只是一个黑影子。我和我的两个住家弟弟 当年在卢森堡，复活节兔子充满爱意地将我向“显形人”方向悄悄推动了一把。我冒险继续前行。我和男孩们玩桌面游戏（在这个过程中学会了小学生的嘲笑用语）。我和住家家人一起看电视。我帮着从车上卸菜。我和住家的大家庭一起为三岁的孩子庆生。我逗留在早餐桌前（ 除了周一）。我和我的住家妈妈一起在学校的宴会上跳舞。然后，在我离开前的一个月，住家妈妈生产，我来到产房，手捧着只有几天大的小婴儿妹妹。我和婴儿诺拉，她降生时我正住在她家里 那张复活节的奇妙的小纸条是我人生中需要的一课，它开启了我当时在欧洲6个月或许会错过的人生经历。 这份经历将我和住家之间热诚的关系演变为一份经久不衰的友谊， 这份友谊超越了时间和空间。当年蹒跚行走的住家弟弟成为一名父亲时，我收到了孩子的出生公告卡片。 当年那个初生的婴儿妹妹年满16岁时，她来到了我们帕特尼高中的夏令营… 见到了并抱起了我的幼年的儿子。当海外的客人到我家来住时，我总是尽力猜测他们会对什么感到不理解，欢迎他们提出各种问题。现在当我的儿子自己到海外求学，并将和一个新的家庭一起生活居住时，我的核心建议就是“不要成为楼上的幽灵”。诺拉16岁到帕特尼高中时抱着我的儿子迈尔斯英文全文When my son prepared for his school term abroad, my years of watching international students at Putney informed my advice to him. So, too, did memories of my own experience living overseas during a college semester. My son’s language learning goal was clear, and I knew that his academic and social inclinations would support French acquisition both in and out of the classroom. Less on his mind, I predicted, was what he could learn from being part of a French household, so that’s where my advice lay. I knew that the likelihood of his absorbing my suggestions was inversely related to how much advice I gave, so I concentrated my thoughts on that single area: living with another family.As a college junior -- now decades ago -- I lived for 6 months with a vibrant, kind, and welcoming family in Luxembourg. With two young boys, a baby on the way, and a German au pair, it was a comfortably lively household, but nevertheless, one which had unfamiliar patterns, and unexplained contrasts to the home I grew up in. Breakfast toast was served on a flat board, not a plate. Jam was not in the refrigerator, but in a closet. Monday was kitchen cleaning day, so I had to finish my early meal promptly. Rooms were heated individually, so doors were always closed. Heavy rolling window shutters were lowered at night to better insulate the rooms. Some of these differences offered charming contrasts; some were frankly explained to me as rules which I could then easily follow; some perplexed me till the end; and some I probably never noticed and so I may have annoyed or perplexed my hosts.I liked my family so much, yet I didn’t know how to behave. I remember my caution during the first several weeks or more in that household: how I crept down to the fridge for something to eat while the family watched TV, for example; how I came home from class at night and slipped upstairs to my bedroom without a sound. I wasn’t sure how to interact. I was self-conscious using French. I wasn’t sure what they expected or wanted from me. It wasn’t until Easter that I shifted, after I came home from school one evening and found some chocolate, some flowers, and a note on my pillow saying “From the Easter Bunny to the ghost upstairs.” That shadowy guise was the only “membership” I’d offered to the family that had welcomed me.So, when my son headed off to France, I implored him: Be a part of the family. Don’t rush away from the dinner table. Accept little invitations to go grocery shopping or to tag along when mother picks up the little brother. Say “yes” when you are invited to watch TV. Don’t sequester yourself in your room with your computer. Help chop the onions. Wash the dishes. Watch what the family is doing, and follow along. Above all, ask questions! “How do French families do ….?” “Is it common for French sons and daughters to ...?” “How can I be helpful?” “What is a typical day for you at work?” “What should I be sure to know about, or see, or do, in your town?” Learn what you can; show your respect and appreciation by cultivating a curiosity towards these generous people who want to know you. In turn, be ready to share who you are. Talk about what led you to this experience. Tell them about your family. Share your impressions, your surprises, your cross-cultural discoveries. Families who welcome students from overseas into their house do so because they are interested, and they want to know you. It’s not a hotel; it’s a family.After the Luxembourg Easter Bunny lovingly nudged me to be less invisible, I ventured forth. I played board games with the boys (and learned elementary school taunts in the process). I joined the family for television. I unloaded groceries from the car. I celebrated the three-year-old’s birthday with the extended family. I lingered at the breakfast table (except on Mondays). I danced with my host mother at our school’s banquet. Then, a month before I left, I went to the maternity ward after she delivered, and held my new baby host sister, only a few days old.That subtle Easter note was the lesson I needed, and it opened me to experiences I would otherwise have missed during my 6 months in Europe. It transformed a cordial relationship into a friendship that endured over distance and time. When my toddler host brother became a father, I received a birth announcement. When my baby host sister was 16, she came to Putney for summer programs... and met and held my little son. When guests from overseas stay at my house, I try to anticipate what they must be wondering, and I invite all kinds of questions. And when my son went overseas himself to study, and to live with a new family, my central advice was “Don’t be a ghost upstairs.” 文章作者：Libby Holmes 国际学生项目主任 美国Putney 高中 文字翻译：Matthew妈妈 编辑推送：Derek妈妈、Steven妈妈 图片来自作者本人和网络
